There’s an organization, gaining public recognition and support, which is providing information and assistance to victims of domestic abuse. Although, the physical and emotional affects are the primary focus for similar organizations. Purple Purse focuses on the financial abuse that persons in that situation face and how it ultimately is a contributing force that keeps them in a terrible situation.
Briefly, financial abuse prevents domestic abuse victims from acquiring, using or maintaining financial resources. Financial abuse is just as effective in controlling a victim as a lock and key. Abusers employ isolating tactics such as preventing their spouse or partner from working or accessing a bank, credit card or transportation. They might tightly monitor and restrict their partner’s spending. Victims of financial abuse live a controlled life where they have been purposely put into a position of dependence, making it hard for the victim to break free.
While the issue of domestic abuse is tragic (1 in 4 women* experience domestic abuse, 98% of those feel trapped in their situation because financial abuse), financial abuse or inescapable financial dependence can be a seemingly insurmountable barrier to independence for anyone. Be it children to their parents, or spouse to a spouse, when you give someone complete control over your financial existence—food, shelter, savings, ability to earn—for whatever reason, you also remove your ability to free yourself of an unhealthy or potentially dangerous situation, because you have no financial means or know-how to live without them.
Basically, you should be all you need. Everyone needs help, some time. And, it’s a wonderful thing to have someone/somewhere to turn in your time of need. Finding a mate, a help mate is a cherished thing and no one should advise you to go into it with thoughts of “what happens if you want to leave?” But, no relationship should require that you lose yourself to become part of a whole. Make a friend, mate, or parent’s assistance a temporary thing, and not something that is vital for your survival, by:
- Setting boundaries and limits for what anyone else can do for you
- Always maintain some source of financial independence
- Recognize the signs that your finances are being limited, then act
All this may sound easier said than done. Of course it is! However, with eyes wide open in every situation of dependence, you can hopefully avoid the pitfalls of financial abuse. It doesn’t just wear the face of marriage or romantic relationships. Well-meaning friends and good-intending parents/children can become inadvertently abusive with the help they give, and you can slowly become so relaxed into them being that, that it can be hard to remove yourself from that situation. Take care of yourself, mind, body…and finances.
*Please note, women are not the only victims of domestic abuse.
